How to Diagnose a Healthy Relationship?

Five vital signs to check for.

People throw around the phrase "healthy relationship" as if its meaning were obvious. We all know what a healthy relationship is, right?

Well, sort of — but not exactly. If a doctor were to give your relationship the equivalent of a thorough medical exam, what vital signs would she check? What are the symptoms of health and illness when it comes to love?

1. Check your pulse.
   
   It should be steady, but certain things should still make your heart race: the sound of his laugh, his key in the lock, his lips on your neck. (Note to those in new relationships: Expect an elevated heart rate most of the time, even when he's not in the same room.) A flagging pulse could indicate a. the need for a long, romantic weekend away; or b. low blood pressure, in which case you should consume more salt.
2. Take a nice, deep breath.
   
   Now exhale slowly. Good. You should feel relaxed, at home and completely yourself around your partner. If you experience shortness of breath, tension or a peculiar fluttering sensation (and you are not in the flush of first love or planning your wedding, both of which can cause mild anxiety), consult an expert — have a long heart-to-heart with your best friend about whether this connection can sustain you over the long haul.
3. Test your reflexes.
   
   Why does it matter if your knee jerks when it's tapped? That spontaneous, involuntary response reveals that the body's inner machinery is working smoothly. By the same token, certain reflexes indicate the same thing about your relationship. When you're down, do you turn to him? When he rubs your back or holds your hand, do you feel a warm glow? When he tells you about a big success, do you swell with pride? If he goes out without you, are you happy that he's enjoying his friends? In a healthy relationship, you should feel connected to your partner — glad for his happiness, comforted by his support, secure in your bond — but not totally dependent on constant affirmation.
4. Tickle your funny bone.
   
   Scientific research has found that one of the best predictors of long-term relationship health is the ability to laugh together. Really — researchers at the University of Seattle have studied this stuff. This "doctor" says you should be chuckling with each other at least once a day — and sitcoms don't count. If you're not, you might want to switch off the television and consider rediscovering what it is about this person that tickled you in the beginning. If you have to, make a list of the things that make you laugh. Playing in the shower? When you do your Britney Spears imitation? When he imitates your mother? Unearth your comedy repertoire.
5. Bend over and touch your toes.
   
   In other words, how flexible are you? I consulted a longtime expert in this field (a guy who has been happily married for more than 20 years), and he said that the most important criteria for a healthy relationship is strong drugs. Then he said he was kidding. "I think the main quality that makes a relationship healthy can be boiled down to one word: willingness," he said. "You have to be willing to change, willing to look at yourself, willing to put aside your needs to take care of the needs of your partner. Basically, it's the willingness to do whatever it takes."

The idea of willingness encompasses commitment and flexibility. If you can bend to suit your partner and he can stretch to accommodate you, then I'd say you're in good shape. And your relationship seems pretty healthy too.

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