Dating after divorce can be an exciting time. You're free again. Free to find someone who cares about you. Most marriages before a divorce cool significantly and tend to make us feel unlovable since the one person who's supposed to love us doesn't show that anymore. Now you have the opportunity to find that "lovin feeling" again. In the midst of the excitement, be sure not to make unwise decisions when it comes to your children.
One of the biggest mistakes I run into with my coaching clients is introducing their kids to dating partners too soon. While you may be really excited about this new person in your life, your kids probably aren't. Your dating is a foreign idea to them. In their minds, you're supposed to be with their other parent, not holding hands with some stranger.
The most common reason for introducing kids to dates probably falls under the heading of convenience. It's just easier to spend time with your special someone at your home. Getting a babysitter or waiting until the kids are at their other parent's house gets old, especially when you're in the passionate stage of a new relationship when you want to be together all the time. While that's understandable, here's a list of problems with that thinking:
1. You're placing a higher priority on you needs rather than your kids'.
2. If your focus is solely on your new partner, this will only increase your kids' fears about abandonment.
3. Life after divorce already feels unstable for your kids. With a constant revolving door of new people coming in and out of your children's lives no stability will be gained.
4. With so many people coming and going, your children will be less likely to be willing to bond with someone when a relationship really becomes serious for fear of them leaving just like all the others have.
While this should be a time of freedom. Freedom to explore who you are now. Freedom to try new things. Freedom to discover what kind of partner you want to have in your life now. Remember that you have little eyes watching you to see how life is supposed to be "done" and depending on you to be there for them.
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Does the idea of learning from other divorced and dating parents sound appealing to you? Well, come on in to The Community then! We exist as a place where parents can ask questions and offer support to one another. Check us out at http://www.RemarriageCommunity.com And if you'd like more great resources to help you with life after divorce, I invite you to visit us at http://www.RemarriageSuccess.com - There you will find article archives, tips of the week, resources and other sites that will get you on your way! Finally, for more information on life after divorce, visit http://www.BeyondDivorceArticles.com where over 100 great articles are waiting to be read. By Alyssa Johnson at Remarriage Success. |
