Dating After Divorce - You Aren't To Blame For This One When You Choose to Date

The divorce happened. You feel that you've made great strides in moving past it and are now thinking you're reading to date again. But, as you begin thinking about dating after your divorce, there are a few other things to think about this go 'round with dating than the last time you were out there. One of those has to do with your kids. How will they react to your dating?

Today, let's take a look at a big determining factor regarding their reaction to it. Unfortunately, you don't have a lot of control over this one. You are just stuck dealing with the consequences of it. This factor has to do with how involved their other parent is.

If both you and your ex-spouse have remained actively involved in your childrens' lives since the divorce that will bode well for both of you when you think about dating again. One of the main concerns children have when their parents begin dating is a fear of abandonment.

They worry that this other person may replace them as the apple of your eye. Think about it for a second, they've already experienced some sort of abandonment from their other parent. That makes this fear doubly strong for your children when you begin dating. You're all they've got. What happens if you choose to check out? Who are they left with then?

So if you aren't to blame for this one, what can you do with it?

Focus on what you do have control over.

First, make sure you are present for your children. What does that mean? It means not only being physically in the house with them, but emotionally being there as well. Let them know you are sad their other parent isn't around as much as they want them to be. It means letting them know it's ok for them to talk about that with you. It does NOT mean it's ok for you to bad mouth their other parent. That won't make them feel better. It just lets them know you aren't a safe person to talk to about this.

Secondly, make sure you don't start dating too soon. Finding that special someone might sound like a good idea because you aren't getting much of a break from the kids. Having another person around might lighten the load a bit. This is the wrong motivation for dating though. You'll end up settling and find yourself with a less than ideal suitor.

Finally, once you do begin dating take it slow. Don't get caught up in a whirlwind romance that consumes you and your time. You aren't just a single person. You are a parent and that has to come first, no matter how unfair that may sound.